After I wrote my last blog piece, one question I was asked is how do I feel and you know what, that is such a big question I wasn’t sure how to answer it… that was until today and I feel compelled to ‘start’ to explain.
When I woke up this morning, I went through the same ritual that has become familiar these last few weeks… throwing open the heavy black curtains and revealing the most amazing view over Dubai marina. You can’t help but smile seeing the water, the boats and people going about their day – mostly running, cycling or speed walking in the early morning sun.
I had decided the night before that I would go for a run, so I put on my trainers and picked up my phone, I was immediately distracted by social media and ended up listening to an Ed Sheeran song on Youtube and like so often happens at the moment I found tears rolling down my cheeks. Today was different though, the tears kept coming and soon I found myself sobbing as memories of home filled my mind.
I allowed myself a few minutes of indulgence but soon pulled myself together and stepped out the door. I’m at the end of week 2 getting back into running (so more like walk and run) and I’m pushing myself to get fitter before I go home. I always hand pick my soundtrack – some days it’s an audio book, other days it’s motivational songs but today I plucked up the courage to listened to songs reminding me of my Dad… something I’ve avoided up to now as if listening to them caused too much pain – pain I’m not yet prepared to face.
For the most part I was OK, running along the water enjoying the sights until it hit me… that one song came on that triggered a strong emotion and the tears came again. Embarrassed I went to silence the music but stopped, I needed to cry and you know what – I almost found myself smiling too as I realised my tears would be hidden by the redness and the beads of sweat on my face from the heat of the sun.
So that’s it – that’s how I feel – or actually that’s how I feel today. You see the real truth is that each and every day I feel more emotions than I used to feel in a month. From joy to amazement, fear to pain and happiness to sadness – I feel it all each and everyday.
So whilst I appreciate my emotions may be heightened on the back of the grief I feel at losing my dad – the truth is much of the rollercoaster I am riding is the same for everyone who moves away from home like this.
Which brings me as always to relating this to you…
…each and everyday you are faced with situations which impact how you feel. Somedays will be happy, some sad, some fun and some frightening and some, as for me today a combination of so many feelings you aren’t quite sure how to cope.
The thing is you can cope, if you really want to you will find away… maybe you have to avoid things for a while, maybe you need to get your strength from others but maybe you can also find strength in yourself to face whatever life throws at you and flourish.
So next time you find the tears rolling down your cheeks, be proud, it really is OK to cry… get the help and support you need and go live your life in the best way you can.
Oh and one more thing – be kind, you never know what someone else may be dealing with and you never know when you might need them too!